Morning's are not good times to argue !

Sometimes you wake up and think " why do i need to ask this question ? "

I woke up and dragged my butt into the bathroom , took one look at last nights make-up on my face and thought , why do I look like a woman who has been through 10 wars ?? why do I feel like I am watching a movie of my own life and the woman playing me is a really shit actress ??

The house was quiet as both my child and ex are fast asleep. I took myself downstairs for a coffee and then HE came down.

The other day i sent him a text asking him what changes would he make in order for me to stay . I knew the following things i wanted ..

1. Joint bank account - no more secrets stashes of money and all bills are divided equally and we tackle any money problems together .

2. No more female " friends " ... female work colleagues he can speak to in work , there is no reason on earth i think that a another woman should be calling him at 1am ( as one was the other day ) unless there is more going on than being a acquaintance. So no hiding mobile phone - if i want to look at his mobile .. let me

3. No more hidden email accounts - if i want to look at them .. let me

Understand these 3 things I needed just to make me feel that there is no secrets between us, no lies , no separate lives with me in one boat and him in another .

Anyway , he decided to bring up the text , so i asked him what changes would he make .. his reply was vague .. AND then i laid my cards down and told him the 3 practical things i would want to make me feel secure and start building some trust again .....

It was at this point he decided to raise his voice and say "what I am suppose to just hand my life over to you ?? "

I pointed out that if i am ( as he says ) everything to him then why would these 3 things be a problem ?? what has he got to hide ?? It diminished into a blazing row , with me calling him a selfish bastard and that even when i have given him his last chance to try and make this relationship work , he still cant give up this secret single life that he wants to keep.

I am at a utter loss .. I guess i knew what the answer would be but i thought at least give him that one last chance .. my final parting words were " that was your last fucking chance to save this relationship and you have just kicked me in the teeth and if you think that i am ever going to give you another chance ..then you are sadly mistaken.

So now i am back to square one .. still waiting to be re-housed ( i have to see the council again today and give them a letter from child benefit to prove i really have a child ! her passport is not enough apparently !) and in the back on my mind all i can here is that bloody song .. here i go again on my own by that 80's rock band with big hair !

I need to get back to work at some point ... get my mind on the straight and narrow , the doctor has signed me off for 2 weeks and my boss has said that is fine and just come back when i am good and ready , so at least i have that .

I could kick myself for even offering him another chance , my brain kept saying , stupid woman but my heart kept saying No give him one more chance.

Why do we listen to our hearts ??? to be fair they are fraught with emotional distress , they are unbalanced , they are stupid , unreasonable , complex , and can never see what is best for you. I assume i am not the only woman in world to continue to give a ex another chance again and again , but at some point your brain must kick in and say " you know what heart , you need to give up now "

as the saying goes .... A breakup is like a broken mirror..its better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.